Fathers
by Korora8
Summary: After Atsushi and the orphanage episode. A little bit of Dazai contemplating his own past. "I wonder...was there ever a chance that I could've been…" Cover art is not mine. Nor is BSD or any of its characters.


After Atsushi and the orphanage episode. A little bit of Dazai contemplating his own past.

"I wonder...was there ever a chance that I could've been…"

* * *

Dazai appeared to be casually lounging on the rooftop, the very same one where Atsushi was contemplating the days events, not that the boy knew he was present. The bandaged man kept a careful eye on his young protege, not as heartless as he portrayed himself to be.

He heard Tanizaki's footsteps long before the redhead stepped out onto the roof.

"Atsushi, the rest of the article the victim had was on the other side of the road."

Tanizaki approached his friend slowly, Atsushi never looking up.

"It was you the headmaster was looking for. He came to Yokohama after he saw this article. It's a gossip article and photos of the battle with the guild that the Special Operations Division failed to cover up."

He held out the article in question, both halves taped back together. Still no reaction from the weretiger.

"I got more information out of the orphanage staff, too. The headmaster learned about your work from this article. He probably wanted to wish you-"

Hope and excitement tinged the redhead's voice before Atsushi interrupted.

"Lies!"

A heart wrenching cry.

"That's not possible! Absolutely not! He would never…"

The silverette trailed off, getting choked up before running past Tanizaki and down the stairwell.

"Atsushi…"

Tanizaki stared sadly after the departing figure.

"Are you happy with this, Dazai?"

_That's why I'm here._

Slowly the brunette's eyes opened. Already thinking what would be the best thing for the young boy to hear, to understand, and to reconcile.

For a while, he just stood close by and watched the trembling figure. He figured it was a chance for both of them to compose themselves.

"Does it hurt to see kids with their parents?"

Dazai approached with the grace of a creature of the night. But the one he approached truly was a creature of the moon.

A pause.

"Dazai, do you remember when you first met me?"

A small, quiet question.

"Sure, that's when we were looking for the tiger."

A paltry answer.

"Why do you think the headmaster never told anyone I was the tiger?"

Bigger this time.

"At the very least, it's certain that maintaining the secret would have take serious effort. Especially to keep you from realizing, too."

Warranting a serious answer. Not an answer. A teacher's job isn't to give away all the answers, but the keys to finding their own.

"Find a flower shop"

A sardonic tone.

"Ranpo was right. He had an appointment at a flower shop."

A shaky breath.

"Headmaster was going to buy a bouquet of flowers before meeting me. And…"

The boy's fists clenched.

"Still, I can't forgive him. I really… I really suffered. There's nothing he could do to make me forgive him."

Dazai watched and listened as more and more emotion began to overtake Atsushi.

"You don't need to forgive him. No matter what he may have believed, what he did to you was unforgivable. Absolute barbarism."

A breath. How would the young boy react to this?

"You were truly in hell, but that hell raised you properly."

Shock. Dazai watched as the range of emotions swept through him, bringing understanding. However unwelcome.

He continued.

"As someone who understands suffering, you resisted violence and evil and saved many people who were in positions of weakness."

The brunette could nearly see all the memories Atsushi was reviewing. He did see the moment it all clicked.

"Dazai… this feeling that's overflowing inside me...This feeling…"

The weretiger looked at his shaking hands, trying to vocalise everything.

"What is this?"

Boiled down, this simple question is what had been plaguing the boy all this time.

"There's no one who can fully grasp the deepest feelings of another person. You can only get the sense that you have."

Dazai turned to him and smiled.

"I can only tell you one general thing:"

The bandaged man turned and began walking away.

"When someone's father dies, they tend to cry."

He wouldn't go far, not for a while at least.

As he watched Atsushi cry, Dazai contemplated his own childhood.

He had joined the mafia at fifteen years old.

Most would have expected that to be the beginning of the darkness. But by that time the light had been long gone.

_Absolute barbarism._

That's what he had said, but looking at his bandages, he knew there were much bigger evils in the world.

_You were truly in hell, but that hell raised you properly._

At least that was true. Atsushi was a good kid, who believed in people. The boy even believed in him, Dazai, a true monster.

"I wonder...was there ever a chance that I could've been…"

Trailing off with a chuckle, Dazai left.

He doubted there was any universe out there where he had been good.

* * *

Couldn't help but think about what Dazai's words did to himself. He has obviously had a rough past so...Just some self-indulgent writing.

Thanks for reading! Always happy to have ideas


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